ID ID ID

I am currently in Al Asad, a Marine base, which means there are a lot of Marines, which means they make the rules. As usual they have a problem with my ID. "I've never seen this before," the Marine at the airport says looking quizzically at me. "Yeah I've heard that before," I say trying to sound tough. For once there is a simple solution. At the badging office they give me a VIP pass, which says in caps NO ESCORT REQUIRED. I like this ID. Most of the Ugandan guards smile and let me pass through the checkpoints as if I am really someone important. For some reason the Ugandan guards at the chow hall have a different take on the card. They often ask me if I have an escort. My escort usually tries to jump in at this point, but before he can speak I cut him off saying, "It says right here NO ESCORT REQUIRED." The truth is I always have an escort, but I feel the need to fight for this one point, just in case one day I need to go to chow by myself.
The chow halls here are also very strict on dress code. Yesterday I was stopped at the entrance. The guard said that I could not pass because I was wearing shorts. "Sir, these are clearly capris," I said, but it was not until I revealed my VIP card that I was allowed to eat.
Oh, it is a very hard life!