Loneliness

The walls we hit are silent and invisible, like nightmares that sweep over our unconscious mind and leave us waking without an exact idea of why we are breathless, dizzy and with heartbeats like firestorms. The wall grows taller and wider mid-deployment, too far in, too far out, we are stuck in the middle. We can't remember the subtle details of home, nor can we look forward to that distant future of coming home, arms wrapped around our bodies in that enduring love that seems unfamiliar after all this time of keeping our guard up, forcing ourselves to feel less for survival's sake. If human contact is a morale booster than we are all lost for now.
For me, the loneliness is like a snake, artful as it wraps around my leg, totally undetected until its sinks its teeth into my shin and I fall. I lay there, surprised, venom in my bloodstream, wondering if anyone in this crowded room could suck the venom away? I could ask, but the asking seems more unbearable than the bite itself. Besides the venom won't kill me and in a few days the wound will heal, the bruises will fade.
I am lonely, but to say I am alone here would be a lie because if anything can grow in this desert it is friendship. The other day my uncle asked me how I feed my soul and I said friendships. Conversations on the deck near the airfield at dusk, dinners without silence, afternoons at the pool where everyone laughs because I can't dive, volleyball in the dust and things like this make my loneliness embarassing to admit.
But most of us here feel unhappy and happy then unhappy then happy again.
And everyday I watch the soldiers drive on, show up and make it through another day.